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Open Love, Point Blank with Asian Weekly 7th July 2017

Love-Quotes

“You know I love you when you loving me

Sometimes it´s better when it´s publicly

I´m not ashamed I don´t care who sees

Just hugging & kissing our love exhibition all

Let´s go to the park

I wanna kiss you underneath the stars

Maybe we´ll go too far

We just don´t care

We just don´t care

We just don´t”

That is from John Legend’s song P.D.A (We Just Don’t Care)

What is this P.D.A? For John Legend it is Public Display Affection but for the United Arab Emirates it means jail time.

An expression of love can be made from the smallest things like holding a hand to the largest, making out by the subway. An expression of love can be done by the smallest thing like making a cup of coffee to the largest, building a house. Historically, Shah Jahan made the Taj Mahal for his beloved Mumtaz Mahal, but how is the current generation expressing their love?

Love is what you make of it. “To be loved by someone is to realize how much they share the same needs that lie at the heart of our own attraction to them. Albert Camus suggested that we fall in love with people because, from the outside, they look so whole, physically whole and emotionally ‘together’ – when subjectively we feel dispersed and confused. We would not love if there were no lack within us, but we are offended by the discovery of a similar lack in the other. Expecting to find the answer, we find only the duplicate of our own problem.”

― Alain de Botton, On Love

Every culture has its own rules on how to display love. If wearing a saree shows love for your husband or family, and on the other side wearing a skirt does the same, then so be it. There can however be a harmonious way to live about this. About 30 years ago, the arranged marriage was conducted and the bride and groom hardly saw each other. Thereafter followed a simple honeymoon, because baby making was the agenda. Since then every 10 years changes have happened. 20 years ago, the new marriages happened, and there was a dating process. Now 10 years ago dating opened up more and partners did spend slightly more time privately. Finally in today’s times partners before marriage are in open relationships. Yes, there is Public Display Affections happening around. European and Western countries are liberal in the cities mostly and they understand this affection. There are conservative towns too within the Western world and the family values are higher. However, what your values standard is can vary from your own perspective in life and upbringing.

What is important however is to respect the area which you live in and also who is around you. For example when the couple cut their wedding cake, there can be a kiss, but a French kiss and thereafter being openly lovey dovey can be rude to the rest of the members of family and friends gathered around. When you are having the private friends party the equation is different, you can be open. Once again when couples are cuddly in front of single people it is rude. An office environment is not an appropriate place for P.D.A. no matter which country or culture you are in. Couples who are also cozy in front of younger nieces and nephews can be misleading. Children still need to be brought up in a moderate environment and as they grow up they can be left to be on their own. When they have strong values of culture and moving around society they can handle relationships better. A P.D.A. can be mistaken for an ego trip for a couple to show off, but it can mean, “we just don’t care” in a lovely way. A honeymoon couple walking down Oxford Street in London and giving a kiss is beautiful but of course the same cannot be expected when there is a family dinner.

Be respectful and loving.

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Posted by on August 11, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Till Bank Money Runs Out with Asian Weekly 29th July, 16

Till Bank Money Runs Out

Money-Marriage

Money is very important and if anybody told you otherwise you need to look at him or her with shock. Money buys you materialistic joys or pains, and yes in increasing cases nowadays husbands and wives. The difference is in the type of person you and what is your attitude in life. You might be the adventurous, living out of whatever you have and experiencing life in a trance. You might be the hardworking, completely desk job worker and just making ends meet. You might be the courageous, entrepreneur, dreamer, risk taker and doer. You might be narcissist and here there are two categories- loves he/she and money, loves he/she but no money. But see money features in this situation somehow or the other. If you are living with your parents and they are paying the bills, get out otherwise you will never grow up and respect them. If you are not living with your parents and you are paying their bills, then you are a rare species. If you are not living with your parents and not paying their bills, then your wife is ruling your bank account.

Women have more ambition than ever before; they are creating more opportunities in their studies, education achievements and subsequently in the corporate world. More women are dabbling with a small business, unfortunately because they have no choice since the husband has lost the job and is too stubborn to change. But luckily there are more women who want to create jobs, want to run businesses, want to change the world. The price they are paying or the opportunity cost is marriage and children.

Let’s talk about marriage then. People get married because they love each other. People get married because they see a caregiver, baby bearer and provider. People get married because they want a companion or business partner. There are few unique reasons why people get married, but there are a billion reasons why you get married or not, or have children or not. These could be lack of partners, finances or sickness. Girls are growing up with knowledge that they too can earn, provide for themselves and enjoy their income. Thus, when they will meet a man who can’t fulfill their materialistic needs, they will turn away. Very few women will look at the personality traits and marry a man who earns less than them. You might say that the woman is being choosy. Being a feminist, I would say she shouldn’t settle for anybody less. But less can mean, he may not have the money or education status, but he makes you smile, respects you and your family and is willing to keep you happy. Don’t get me wrong I am not talking about a dog, because there are some highly educated women or high earning women who think they need to marry only a President, sorry ladies you are not the First Ladies either.

The main thing is always remember to be you. Don’t put up with excuses or pressures. Technically you should get married by the age of 25 or 27 and have your children by the age of 30 or 32, this is for you ladies because the number of diseases or health complications in our age group is rising. However if you have not found the right partner for whatever personal reason, remember this that while society will look at you for being a frustrated, fussy, feminist, you know what you want and you go for it. This can be anything from owning a business, running a mega corporation, building a school, adopting a child or marrying the person who loves and accepts for who you are and not for what you are expected to be for others.

It is the society’s responsibility to encourage their children, both girls and boys that they must respect each other, they are here to take humanity forward with their values, whether it is religious, cultural or economical. They have a role to play and they are free to carve their own path as long as they are not hurting or disrespecting people. If women don’t want to get married because the men can’t earn or provide enough then that’s acceptable. Yes it is a cliché line but absolutely true, it is better than being in a bad marriage or divorced with children and you are struggling to make ends meet. Because when a marriage breaks, the first blame is on the woman and while there might be some unreasonable woman who does contribute to the breakup, the point is that we must assess the situation with complete honesty, accept the responsibilities and eventually forgive to move on.

 

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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