Delete, Block, Unfriend
Whoever said dating was easy lied to you. It has gotten most complicated especially nowadays. Back in the 90s or early 2000 if you ever went on a date, you were assured of a couple of things, which included- trustworthy boy/girl, financial stability enough to pay the bill, and almost no sex, even making out would be unheard of, this is all in summary called respect.
Where is that respect now? Gone in the wires of gadgets networks. You can have two mobile phones, two partners, be married and still have another person on your Facebook account, Tinder App or wherever, the list is very long. Marriage as an institution has crumbled under the pressure of youth trying to westernize, leave their culture, leave bad marriages of their parents or environment, unfortunately only a small percentage remain determined and faithful to live decent lives. Yes we have the power to do anything but let’s not misuse the freedom, be wise, learn and be nice, otherwise it will really bite you back.
In all of this looms, the dark shadow of the past. If your aunty came and told you that she had a boy or girl in mind for you, the first instinct is to go to their Facebook profile and check them out. By the way I truly believe those who have updated profiles are of two types of people, those who have nothing to hide and those who have too much to show. What gets worrying is when you see a long list of girls as his friends or vice versa. Which means, the ex still follows or is in the picture. Now what to do?
In your life you will have many affairs but very few meaningful relationships. Out of those relationships, either you have moved on, or they leave you. Regular books tell us, switch off, burn off the memories literally and get on with your life. But things can get difficult if you live in the same city or neighbourhood. Also how you broke up and over what makes the biggest difference. Women tend to fall in love faster and are ready to give up everything in most cases, men on the other hand are most likely to take advantage of all that they get. The days of the gentlemen are very over and girls need to wake up to this reality. If you and your ex had a very deep, intense relationship where you were practically inseparable and you have had a fall out because either cheated, then completely disown each other and never look back. It was a bad deal. If there was an external pressure, for example you are not of the same culture, financial stability or whatever other reason, then be adults, sit back, reflect on what your loved ones are telling you and then decided. It will be a very bad idea to remain friends because then neither will settle down. You must agree to part mutually even if it takes time, because until you don’t you never will move on.
If your ex and this goes for both genders, is possessive and just can’t accept that you have moved on, you need to seek help and get the intervention of someone very close to you. It could be your best friend, relative or someone you absolutely trust, to tell the ex that things are over and you wish them well. Otherwise next stage is emotional blackmail and possibly physical abuse. Don’t be afraid.
It is almost impossible to discuss relationships with the parents, because they were brought up in conservative times but guess what they know a few secrets that can help you. They also left a lover or an ex, because of a specific reason and they can easily tell you how they got over and learnt to move on and enjoy their current life. With the current times, the obsession to check the phone and see if the ex is online or really not missing you is creating drama, it is hard because there is a false reality we are living in, that everything happens now, is controlled visually and there’s huge comparisons that put individuals down.
Remember an ex at the age of 18 or 23 years old is not serious business, unless you have had an explicit relationship and somehow there is a child too. To cut off from that maybe difficult but seek help from those who love you and listen to your heart and gut all the time, you know yourself better than anybody. An ex later than that, you are either messing up your marriage, living a regretful life and still don’t know what you want. Be real, that’s all.