Stuck In Love- Point Blank with the Asian Weekly 22nd January, 2016

28 Jan

Stuck in Love?

Courtesy BBC News

Courtesy BBC News

Love is the most magical feeling that we aspire to achieve, experience and keep. While there maybe several people to love, for example your parents, children, neighbor, country and so on, we are going to concentrate on the man and woman love or in the case of a rainbow nation then love between the same sexes. Love is almost like the way they describe in the movies, heavens open, rains fall, wind blows and tummy turns. But what if you came across this: “Sad thing is, you can still love someone and be wrong for them.”- Elvis Presley. You know he might just have a point.

There is such a thing as being stuck with someone you don’t love and the most obvious one is a bad marriage with kids. There are still many couples who fall out of love and because they have kids and there is too much at stake especially financially, they choose to stay married and live under the same roof, different bedrooms. Whether there is any benefit from doing so, only those who have gone through it can better explain. My observation is that if the children are not yet teenagers you should try and stay together, because your separation will tear them apart and they are not to blame for your fall out.

Then there is the “Bollywood love” where even if you don’t love someone, they love you till death do them part. Really? They need to wake and realize they are not Ranveer Singh and you are not Deepika Padukone. Bollywood’s business is to sell fantasies and while the stories have matured over the years and there is more reality, the love angle is quite far fetched still. Beware of undying love, it is a rare species and going extinct because there’s a new fad that has taken over “loving yourself”. Unfortunately it is these Bollywood love Romeos or Juliets that chase and remind you of their to die for love and send you messages, call you, bump into you, or basically never give up. Best is to sit them down and tell them like it is, don’t stay friends, you move town or tell them to leave, it is best for both of you.

With the changing times, instant feelings, the one that is suffering or who is fooling himself or herself is you. You are stuck with someone you don’t love, yourself. Unfortunately loving yourself is also not going to help. You can have all the affirmations or positive thinking around you, but remember you are not two people, you are yourself, just be in love, don’t create another love for yourself. The famous Sadhguru describes this phenomenon as “self-start”, he says you should remain in such a state where you are in control and not waiting for another person to love or not love you.

It would be heartless to call this the best situation, but it is unfortunately the best description of being stuck with someone you don’t love and that is family. While your immediate family maybe the nicest people and you will do absolutely anything for them because you love them no matter what, usually it is the extended family members where you are stuck. Avoiding them will only last until the next wedding or funeral, so figure out and make your strategy and stick to it. Some of you maybe frequent flyers and don’t have to face family members all the time or live in another country entirely, but one day when you do, it is impossible to pretend. The only way out and I believe rightfully so is to always maintain respect.

The romantic equation is that you love no matter what, even if you don’t get anything in return, but don’t get stuck in that love, you are only making the other person’s life miserable. Yes, it is a fact.

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Posted by on January 28, 2016 in Uncategorized


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