The Misunderstood Men, Point Blank with Asian Weekly 20th November 2015

20 Nov

The Misunderstood Men

International Mens Day

Boys, men, father, brother, grandfather, boss, president and so many other roles this male gender plays in our lives. They too have their own day since the 1990s, it is called the International Mens Day and is celebrated on 19th November in over 70 countries so far. The amazing thing however is that each country celebrates this day for different reasons, for example in China the men are facing social and family pressures that tire them and they need a big boost to get up and go to work, while in the UK they create awareness for domestic abuse. Well its nice to know that men don’t really have one common problem, their problems are compartmentalized just like their minds.

But are men challenged, boys neglected in today’s society? Men have been known to be the superior gender, the ones who rescue situation, make tough decisions and are the successful ones in business, politics or most industries. Boys face tough academic, sports choices; girlfriend issues or self esteem problems. If you look back at your grandfather you will notice how they controlled almost everything. They were the ones who went to work or set up and ran the business. They only came home to eat food, spend time with the family, grow the family, provide for the children and keep to themselves. Very few grandfathers had one on one talks with their own children. They spent quality time with peers and discussed world issues or business ideas but you would rarely catch them talking about gossip, family, scandal or emotional stuff. The reason is that, life was simple, they were not very educated and they knew that food on the table, clothes on the kids and wife happy were their goals. Family pride mattered and culture, religion and society all played an important role in their lives. For those who ventured out and attained an education especially in a foreign country, the ideas were slightly different. These set of grandparents spoke up, gave equality to their wives, encouraged their children to be bolder and try new things.

Thus this brings us to their children, who are our fathers. Most fathers born after the 2nd World War faced a new contradiction. Since the world was changing after the war, colonization was fading away, there was a new sense of identity and they too wanted to find their path. Those whose fathers had been educated or were ambitious were fortunate enough to pursue full academic careers and set off to a great start in their work or business life. Here they married early, settled well and played the perfect husband. The other fathers, made their own destiny, fought the tyranny of poverty, society pressures, misfits and some failed, some succeeded but they tried. In most cases luckily though their fathers were active participants in their lives. They also had a good bunch of friends, memories and a blast through the 60s, 70s and then 80s. Unfortunately though their mothers took a back seat and are to blame for the beginning of neglect. This was the same time, the women were fighting for equality, they wanted their own space, they were challenged by horrible mother in laws, huge societal pressures, wanted to work, be free and the list goes on. Women were doing their thing and somehow their sons got the wrong end of the stick. The men were busy earning and enjoying the fruits of better economies that they didn’t realize they were not imparting much quality principles or setting good examples for their boys.

Lets now come to my generation. Our mothers over indulged in love, care, education, passion, everything they could think of because they wanted that we have better lives than what they were going through. The other concept was that as a couple they wanted their children to have way better lives and progress. But in this molly coddling the boys have turned out soft. They are poor decision makers, ignorant, selfish and mighty confused. A very small percentage are level headed, compassionate and determined to make this world a better place. They were not neglected but they are beginning to neglect their children and bringing them up in a closed world (ironic isn’t it yet we are a global village). Unfortunately still women have become too independent, I know being a feminist you must think I have double standards, but I have to admit I am old fashioned in that way. Manners are a must, feelings are important and the mental state of especially the man is important. These create a productive environment and a good man is better for a good woman, but a good woman can’t help make a man better. Men just can’t change, so better start young, give them the best love and life’s lessons that teach them to make those tough decisions etc like our grandfathers; they were the better men.

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Posted by on November 20, 2015 in Uncategorized



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