When I hear that question I am reminded of Karan Johar’s blockbuster Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, which when it came out sent several reality ripples around the globe. Most woke up to the fact that marriage to a best friend doesn’t necessarily end up as a mega success, passionate romance and long lasting vows even if you have a child. Or the other scenario, coldness, formality and compromise.
Where do you fit it? Marriage has become the most complicated situation in these times. Forget about same sex marriages, regular marriages have their due challenges. Majority of our parents got married without ever seeing each other and just sat down at the time of the ceremony and well woke up to find a new person next to them. They then tried their best not to give us such constraints and despite many odds, we have gone ahead and married with knowing each other. The next generation will be interesting to watch, how they have a relationship and marry, because as of 10 year olds they know the concept of boyfriend-girlfriend better than we did.
To some marriage is a piece of paper, and they date each other for a long time, what is their success rate? I don’t have any statistics but even a marriage on a paper I believe can only last if the following things are happening:
You love each other no matter how you look (attraction is mutual)
You love each other’s company (attraction mentally is important, those who believe opposites attract and love better, are wrong because at some point you start correcting each other and then fight)
You have a common goal (could be kids, travelling, business, social work)
Human beings have become too selfish to get along with anybody nowadays so the top 3 are just about necessary, the rest is dependent on life, circumstances, family, your personal attitudes and luck.
The best friend, let’s get to him/her. Personally I don’t think marrying a best friend is a good idea. It will seem like it is, but in the long run, it fizzles out, especially in these tech days, where people are having secret affairs, extra-martial ones, cheating, you name it, your best friend will get bored of you and venture elsewhere behind your back, we are human, monogamy is difficult to maintain, we are not designed to be 100% loyal forever. Thus, when you marry a completely new person, you have much to discover for a long time to come and the journey is unpredictable, exciting and enjoyable. Before you reach boredom, cheating, fall out you are stuck probably with about 20 years of marriage in your bag, possibly 2 kids and too much financial commitments. Then it will depend on who wants to leave and why and is it really necessary? So many couples of our parents generation are still living together yet apart and possibly have no intimate relationship, because they have fallen out of love and are seeing other people, but because of their investment in marriage this works for them. Remember nothing lasts forever, fairytale weddings only last till the wedding day and after that it is all to with real life and your attitude.
Best friends care, and care deeply, but they take betrayal and possessiveness too seriously. They can criticize you the whole life and their misery can be your destruction, be your own person, find your own.